barren page 7 — johan gonzalez

will i never be a mother?
is that something i can never be?
what is a mother anyway?

i googled it the other day
«is a mother always a female?»
google didnt really say

i searched for the mother definition
the definition of mother
even though I knew it would hurt to see it

mother
a woman in relation to her child or children……..

i wasnt surprised
of course I wasnt
still it made me black out for a second

then I quickly closed the laptop
but I opened it again
and closed the tab with the definition

it didnt help to puke
so i cut
deeper than i know i should

a woman in relation to her child or children

am i wrong?
i feel wrong